My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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