Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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