Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just tell him i said nine months
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
