I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The Olympian is in my bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
