i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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