Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
