I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Welp...herpes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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