sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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