Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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