I just saw a hot homeless man
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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