if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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