I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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