Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
