just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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