i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do herpes really smell.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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