I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
