im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
