I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
