Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize