Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?

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(616): dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us? http://tfl.nu/bgpp

Replies (8) Good night (1398) Bad night (521)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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(203): I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt. http://tfl.nu/mij5

Replies (9) Good night (808) Bad night (1056)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny

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(978): it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny http://tfl.nu/hpxx

Replies (17) Good night (729) Bad night (2557)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

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(571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw

Replies (73) Good night (11040) Bad night (1605)
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(917): View more from New York City

its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.

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(917): its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny. http://tfl.nu/2ipn

Replies (10) Good night (847) Bad night (4274)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

That's because you are an idiot.

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(417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot. (1-417): That's because you are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/6gwl

Replies (17) Good night (1749) Bad night (4887)
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(772): View more from Florida

how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?

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(772): how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground? http://tfl.nu/issb

Replies (19) Good night (4483) Bad night (743)
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(408): View more from California

I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.

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(408): I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night. http://tfl.nu/u07w

Replies (7) Good night (1401) Bad night (637)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.

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(614): Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it. http://tfl.nu/4lfe

Replies (18) Good night (843) Bad night (1206)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.

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(570): I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned. http://tfl.nu/u9a7

Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (242)
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(585): View more from New York

Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.

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(585): Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/ddez

Replies (2) Good night (264) Bad night (462)
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(954): View more from Florida

Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.

(1-954): View more from Florida

Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.

(954): View more from Florida

I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?

(1-954): View more from Florida

A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think

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(954): Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early. (1-954): Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar. (954): I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am? (1-954): A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think http://tfl.nu/h7b0

Replies (3) Good night (1335) Bad night (359)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.

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(304): Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid. http://tfl.nu/agyj

Replies (2) Good night (266) Bad night (392)
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(858): View more from California

He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

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(858): He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone http://tfl.nu/52cs

Replies (8) Good night (1111) Bad night (246)
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(716): View more from New York

Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.

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(716): Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped. http://tfl.nu/yje2

Replies (3) Good night (270) Bad night (779)

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