Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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