Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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  (910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332
  Replies (11) Good night (866) Bad night (3629)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

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  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5523) Bad night (1059)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

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  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3812) Bad night (2484)
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  (925): View more from California

  I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

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  (925): I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized' http://tfl.nu/3ov3
  Replies (14) Good night (4451) Bad night (1284)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

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  (304): What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like? (859): i already know. Delicious. Use ranch. http://tfl.nu/w6yr
  Replies (19) Good night (3729) Bad night (756)
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  (716): View more from New York

  After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"

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  (716): After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous" http://tfl.nu/zxh1
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (388)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....

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  (775): Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW.... http://tfl.nu/zpmo
  Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (496)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!

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  (803): I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score! http://tfl.nu/zwep
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (563)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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  (801): Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom. http://tfl.nu/symd
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (353)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.

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  (719): The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies. http://tfl.nu/1axa
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (337)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday

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  (425): I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday http://tfl.nu/6bnr
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (265)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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  (573): Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you.. http://tfl.nu/j404
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (341)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me

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  (519): I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me http://tfl.nu/9pcd
  Replies (2) Good night (268) Bad night (350)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.

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  (832): The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up. http://tfl.nu/pl1q
  Replies (3) Good night (1010) Bad night (255)
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  (707): View more from California

  Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.

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  (707): Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old. http://tfl.nu/gi35
  Replies (5) Good night (260) Bad night (638)

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