Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk

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  (352): I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk http://tfl.nu/lbo9
  Replies (7) Good night (3038) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.

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  (361): I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing. http://tfl.nu/i6wh
  Replies (29) Good night (621) Bad night (3685)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5480) Bad night (1136)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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  (856): It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore. http://tfl.nu/4nio
  Replies (9) Good night (1513) Bad night (4536)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just snuked. Sneezed and puked

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  (608): I just snuked. Sneezed and puked http://tfl.nu/izkl
  Replies (16) Good night (1216) Bad night (6469)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.

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  (815): Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites. http://tfl.nu/zd6b
  Replies (27) Good night (1357) Bad night (5086)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

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  (612): She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me. http://tfl.nu/y2d7
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (2130)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

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  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (4159) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..

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  (724): I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star.. http://tfl.nu/hv80
  Replies (9) Good night (2179) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.

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  (713): Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night. http://tfl.nu/wvak
  Replies (9) Good night (4273) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.

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  (504): Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch. http://tfl.nu/bzb1
  Replies (5) Good night (1458) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

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  (505): I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys http://tfl.nu/88rh
  Replies (10) Good night (1436) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE

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  (443): Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE http://tfl.nu/kvc0
  Replies (9) Good night (1104) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?

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  (937): I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/ghkw
  Replies (2) Good night (211) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.

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  (602): You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs. http://tfl.nu/mu1s
  Replies (3) Good night (252) Bad night (88)

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