So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway