I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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