You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.