did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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