So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize