she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
