seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
