I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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