I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
