Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
