He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
