I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
