i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
