New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
