I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
50% drunk capacity currently
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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