Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
