He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
