Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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