I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
