Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
