NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
