can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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