ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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