Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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