I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
