so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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