Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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