I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
