apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
