I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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