We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
