Pappa wants mamma naked
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
try to milk me bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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