I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
