Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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