we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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