Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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