he thought i was a dude.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
