You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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