my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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