Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
