Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
