I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The uberlube is also flammable
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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