My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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