I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
