i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
