Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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