you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize