He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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