I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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