Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
