Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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