I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
