she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
