Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
