I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
