Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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