It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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