remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
