This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
